What I am not

Some ideas about this strange delightful work of spiritual accompaniment - what it is and what it definitely isn't!

Hi friends,

These words flowed from me yesterday as I was reflecting on my work as a spiritual companion, and as a trainer and supervisor of spiritual companions. So often, people have a too-small understanding of what this work of walking alongside another really is. And one of the biggest misunderstandings I’ve encountered is that it is about behaviour modification and getting to the right beliefs (that idea honestly makes me want to throw up a little bit).

This is what I instead believe to be true…

Photo by Mehdi Sepehri on Unsplash

I am a spiritual companion.

But I am not in the business of behaviour modification. I am not here to keep you "accountable". I really don't care to hold you to account to any particular set of standards, not least those set by toxic religious institutions.

I am frankly not really bothered what your prayer practices are, or how much you volunteer, or even (gasp) who you're having sex with.

I'm also not going to police your beliefs. I'm not preoccupied by the particular labels you use or even really what theologies you proclaim. I'm not here to make sure you believe the "right" thing about resurrection or trinity or God's gender. I couldn't care less if your theology is "sound".

What I do care about is where the life in your life is.

I want to know what wakes up your soul and stirs you to furl open like a flower in spring or leap like a bird into the wind.

I want to hear about what nourishes you, what tastes so delicious to you that you slurp it up and delightedly share it around, what fills you up and satisfies you.

I want to understand what rhythms and practices shake you up and give you new courage, how they light a fire beneath you to lean into more justice and more goodness and more love for yourself, your close ones, for all creation.

I want to pay attention to the fruit of your beliefs, how the ideas you have about God and the sacred bring forth ever more wholeness and kindness and peace.

I want to relish with you the sense of the sacred in your day, the moments when everything suddenly gets deeply quiet and still within you, or the moments when suddenly your soul is an explosion of colour and sound.

I won't christen your shoulds with my endorsement.

I cringe to hear you belittle your own beautiful attempts to show up fully in a life that is often so very hard.

We will pay attention to the ways you tangle yourself in those shoulds, the ways others try to tie you up in ever tighter knots with the weight of their expectations.
And I will be there alongside you as you shake them off and claim the freedom that is your birthright (even when that takes a lifetime).

I delight in the moments I get to witness your deep exhale as you grasp once again just how deeply and eternally loved you are and rest in that belovedness.

//

It’s a busy week for me, as I start leading a new three-session course with the London Centre for Spiritual Direction tonight, and tomorrow I get on a plane to Edinburgh and begin winding my way towards Iona for our women’s retreat. My to-do list is long, but I am feeling deeply grateful that this is the work I get to do.

Wherever you find yourself today, I hope you know you are loved.